The Island of Logic

Fatties cause global warming

As I read this story, I began to realize that I really am a Fatist. I have really always hated fat people in my sub-conscience. This story helped me fully realize the depth of my anger. Fatties are responsible for most of the ills in our society. Almost everything can be traced back to them, terrorism, death, global warming, depletion of natural resources, etc, etc. Now I will provide no evidence to substantiate my charges, but I believe that these accusations are self-evident. Instead of these news stories always giving us back photos, and neck down shots of the planet destroyers, I say that they post their faces so that we will know who these fatties are when we see them on the street. Make their faces public so we can euthanize them with baseball bats when we spot one.

Obama brother accused of UK sex assault

I am not saying that Obama should be held accountable for his brother’s actions, but why did I have to go to Drudge to find this story. Let’s say this was Bush’s brother, we would be hearing about this on every talk show for a week.

UN Security Council to Condemn North Korea Rocket Launch Monday

I am writing this post hanging my head a little, and feeling a little ashamed of myself for my past conduct and statements concerning the UN. I need to apologize and post a retraction for a post I made back in August of 2008 calling the UN just a bunch of Useless Nannies (Link to Post). After reading the story above, and contacting the UN myself to get some direct comments, I finally have to admit that they are coming through with some definite action against North Korea and that little pot bellied dictator of theirs, Kim Jong Ill. (BTW, this is very difficult for me to write, considering that being wrong is so rare for me.) With North Korea’s April 5th launch of a multi-stage rocket that flew over Japan and landed in the Pacific Ocean, the UN is coming forth with some strong action against that little overweight whack job. The Security Council has been working hard over the weekend to come up with a statement condemning the launch. The UN spokesman that I contacted said that the UN was planning on delivering the condemnation in both written and oral format. The UN spokesman stated that the oral condemnation would be delivered using both harsh tones and strong language. He also said that the written condemnation was going to be printed on paper stock that would be the more likely to give the little tyrant a paper cut. He said that strong measures like this are necessary in times like these, and actions like this, by rouge nations would no longer be tolerated. I also contacted Pyongyang to get their reaction to the condemnation and paper cut threat to their fearless leader. The North Korean Minister of Public Relations himself spoke to me and said that they were planning on nuking the condemnation as soon as it arrived in the mail, and that they would not allow it near the Great Leader. I also questioned him about what they would do about the oral delivery of the condemnation and he stated that they were going to nuke that also. When I questioned the feasibility of that action, he started swearing at me in Korean so I just hung up. I called the UN back to get their reaction on the condemnation nuking threat, and they said that they were considering not going through with the condemnation after all, and that they had no further comments.

Why Hamas couldn’t shoot Stinger Missiles in Gaza

Hamas smuggles the US built Stinger missiles into Gaza and attempts to fire them on IAF helicopters. Funny, when they pulled the trigger it just beeped and flashed an error message. The Stingers had been programmed to identify US style helicopters like the Apache and not allow the missile to be fired onto them. I say high fives to Raytheon for thinking that one through. I hope that Hamas blew millions of the US foreign aid money to get these useless missiles into Gaza. Sweeeet!

Israel successfully test missile defense system

Isn’t it ironic that Israel is the only country in the middle east that is frantically trying to develop a missile defense system despite the constant accusations against them for always being the aggressors. Why is it that Iran is trying to develop offensive weapons of Mass Destruction, but yet they don’t seem to have much fear of Israel launching a first strike with nuclear weapons against them. Let’s switch roles momentarily, let’s say that Iran has nuclear weapons and Israel does not. Oh $#%&, they just launched before I could even finish this sentence.